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Changing Family Roles

It's very common for family members to take on different responsibilities when a relative becomes disabled. Sons and daughters may become caretakers for a disabled parent. A spouse may assume a “parent” role for their husband or wife. You or others in your family may find these role changes difficult to accept. Often the roles change in some ways, but not in others, leading to some confusion about just how to act. It sometimes takes a while to figure out just who will do what.

One change that often occurs is the disabled family member becomes the center of attention. A great deal of energy and attention is focused on the older person who is becoming impaired. Other family members, including spouses or other children, can feel neglected. They may become resentful because they feel they are not getting the attention they need. Chores must often be shifted to others, who may then feel burdened. Severe disruptions of family roles sometimes result in the withdrawal of one family member from all family activities or even divorce.

It is good to remember that different family members respond in their own unique ways. Some people will not be helpful at all and will distance themselves from the situation because they cannot cope with the changes. However, some people who care for a disabled family member report that their families experience a new kind of closeness, as they work together to deal with stressful situations. Some people even show strengths that they never knew they had. Here are some things that might help you cope with role changes in the family:

Ask for help when you need it. Sit down with your family members to ask what they are willing to do to help. Give them ideas and suggestions don’t just assume that they know what you need. They can’t read your mind, and they may already be doing what they think is helpful. Assume that most people are doing the best they can under the circumstances. While this is not always the case, most often it is.

Recognize that you are dealing with a stressful situation. Some people overlook the difficulties they are experiencing, because they slowly take on more and more responsibility. Recognize all that you have taken on, and congratulate yourself on what you have been able to do. Then see about getting any help you might need.

Schedule fun time for all family members. Make special time for everyone in the family. Keep all family members informed of the details of the disability and treatment. This can be done in different ways. You can call and talk to people individually, or you can write a family newsletter. Copy the letter and send it to different family members so you don’t have to rewrite the same information to each one.

Just remember, if you keep open the lines of communication with your family and friends, they are better able to understand what you and your family member are going through. The better they understand, the more willing they’ll be to pitch in and help. Caregiving isn’t easy, and it’s important to make sure your aging family member does not take up all your energy. Make sure you find ways to pull together as a family and work together for everyone’s benefit.

Copyright © 2006 Caregiver's Resource Inc. All Rights Reserved.